Horse Frightened by a Storm
by BluishBleach
Summary: In which Alex has fun annoying thugs by acting like an idiot, and it's all for the greater good, really. (For the Christmas fic exchange. My gift to Wolfern.)


Señor Martin Valasquez was a dangerous man. He slept with three Berettas under his pillow, two hatchets in the closet, and an RPG grenade launcher hidden behind the potted plant in the corner of his bedroom. He ran a drug operation out of the seaports on the west coast, but covered his activities under the façade of a non-profit charity. He was 17 the first time he'd killed a man, bashing his face in with a rock. Things had only spiralled out since then, and Valasquez currently had a body count higher than most of his hired thugs' IQs.

Alex was in his living room looking at a vase.

"This is a nice vase." He said. "How much is it?"

The two men watching him exchanged glances.

"Er," said the first. He was a massive man, roughly the size of a baby elephant. His bulging muscles rippled under the expensive charcoal coloured suit covering his form, and his voice was so coarse, most everyone who met him got the impression that he ate miniature boulders for breakfast.

"It's not for sale," the baby elephant said, and Alex nodded in comprehension. "Oh, okay, I totally understand dude."

He wandered past them to a painting hanging on the wall, ignoring the way the two men tensed at his proximity, hands creeping towards the conspicuous bulges on their hips.

"And what's this then? Some sort of myopic Brony fantasy?"

"That's _Horse Frightened by a Storm_ , an original painting by Eugene Delacroix," the second goon bit out in irritation. His tone seemed to imply the unspoken ' _uncultured swine_ '.

Baby Elephant dug an elbow into the second man's side, hastily adding, "Not that this is _the_ original of course, seeing as _that_ is safely sitting in the Museum of Fine Arts in Budapest."

"Right." Horse Lover grit his teeth painfully.

Alex hummed thoughtfully. "This horse looks like it's possessed."

He ignored the choking sound that came from behind him and continued to study the painting critically.

"You think I could paint something like this?" He asked. "I got an A in my art class, you know. My teacher said that I had a lot of creativity."

"I have no doubt." Horse Lover said.

"I'm serious though, I could probably recreate this- but make it, you know, _better_. Get rid all of that _hair_ flying around. And like, horses don't _really_ need ears. I could just, you know-" He made a sweeping motion with his hand. "-get rid of them." He held a thumb up to the painting and squinted one eye. "That would look pretty sick, I think."

"Horse… _do_ need their ears though," Horse Lover said slowly, sounding as if he wasn't quite sure he understood what he was hearing. "Why would they… why would they not need their _ears?"_

Alex shrugged. "Well, they've got ESP, don't they?"

"ESP." The thug repeated, and even Baby Elephant looked like he was in pain now.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't know what ESP!"

"I know what ESP is!" Horse Lover said cried. "I just don't think that _you_ do!"

Alex frowned in consternation and was just opening his mouth to answer when the front door opened and a woman walked- no, swaggered- in.

She looked to be in her early thirties, with dark hair pinned to the top of her head in elaborate curls, held in place by elegant jewelled berets that twinkled in the light. Her skirt crinkled at the bottom, leading to deadly looking two inch heels. A diamond necklace hung low in the hollow of her neck, and her perfume practically saturated the room with the scent of wealth.

"Miss Valasquez!" Baby Elephant cried, snapping to attention like a collapsible campfire chair springing into place. "You're not supposed to be back for another two hours!"

Still, he looked utterly relieved at the interruption.

A finely arched brow raised on the woman's face. "Plans change- I'm a grown woman, I can do as I please, Morey."

She swept a critically appraising look over Alex, eyes lingering over his scuffed converse, old hoodie, and the single earbud plugged casually in his left ear. "And who's this then?"

"I'm Alex," the teen chirped cheerfully, sticking out his hand. "Those are some sick rocks in your hair."

"Pleasure," the woman said distastefully, giving Alex's hand a loose, quick shake, only gripping the tips of his fingers. "Maria Valasquez." She hastily withdrew her hand and wiped it conspicuously on her hip.

"What's he doing here?" She asked Baby Elephant- Morey- completely ignoring Alex. "He's not… here to see my _father,_ is he?"

She looked horrified at the very thought.

"No, not him," Horse Lover answered, shaking his head. "Thank God. But his dad is. You remember Edward Pleasure?"

"The skeevy journalist bagging for a scoop on father's charity work?"

"He prefers 'intrepid', I think," Alex piped up, but he was barely spared a glance.

"Yeah, that's the one," Horse Lover continued. "He's having an interview with your father right now in his study."

"So what's _he_ doing here then?" Maria demanded, jerking her head at Alex, and Morey shrugged.

"Don't know, Miss. He just showed up with Pleasure, and Pleasure insisted we bring him in. The boss didn't see any harm in it."

Maria looked like she would have rolled her eyes, if she were capable of an action so distinctly _unclassy_. But, in all truth, she couldn't really _disagree_. Alex was still studying _Horse Frightened by a Storm,_ a pseudo wise look plastered on his face. He didn't look at all dangerous.

"I'll just be going then-"

"No, don't go!" Alex blurted, swinging to look at her. "You're the most interesting person I've met in this household!"

The two hired thugs exchanged insulted looks.

"No offense guys," Alex added. He leaned toward Maria. "They always just look like they want to, like, _harm_ me, you know?"

Maria glanced at the two thugs. They did look rather homicidal.

She pressed her lips together. "How long has the journalist been in with my father?"

"About an hour now- shouldn't be much longer."

Maria looked at Alex, who was fiddling with a lamp. "That's worth 500 dollars, I hope you are aware," she said.

"For this hunk of metal?" Alex laughed, giving it a solid pat. He received three identical glares.

"Yes," Horse Lover grit out. "So _please_ be careful. I do want to _keep_ my job."

"Sure thing dude." Alex moved over to a mahogany side table and pulled open the top drawer, peering inside. "What about this? How much is this worth?"

"10."

Alex looked at Maria. "10 dollars?"

"10 _thousand_ dollars."

Alex coughed and carefully slid the drawer closed. "So anywaaays…"

Maria's eyes twitched again. "Don't break anything. Morey, Ivanovič, watch him- make _sure_ he doesn't."

She slid her Ray Ban sunglasses off the top of her head and settled them on her face, tossing her hair. She strutted out the room, and Alex, Morey the Baby Elephant, and Ivanovič the Horse Lover watched her go.

"Is she single?"

Ivanovič turned to stare at Alex in disbelief. "You're like _12."_

"16, thanks," ALex sniffed, looking offended. "I'm in my prime."

Morey shook his shaved head. "Please, just _shut up_ and _sit down_."

Alex looked at the genuine red leather couch.

"On second thought no," Morey said hastily. "How about you just stand."

Ivanovič subtly checked his watch, a tortured look on his face, and Alex pouted."What, you're not getting tired of my company already, are you?"

"I'd be less exhausted if I wrestled two Texan alligators capable of wielding rocket launchers," Ivanovič muttered under his breath, but Alex pretended he didn't hear.

"Well, don't worry," the teen continued, tapping a finger against the wide brimmed ceramic hat adorning a fisherman sculpture. "Eduardo P., journalist extraordinaire, should be finishing up with your homeboy any second now."

The sound of a door swinging open down the hall covered Ivanovič's tormented choking noise.

"Speak of the devil!" Alex cried cheerfully, tugging the earbud out of his left ear.

Edward Pleasure walked into the room looking pale and faintly ill. He was followed by Martin Valasquez, a short, stocky man with close cropped dark hair and cold eyes. He had a gentle, warm smile on his face, which was perhaps why Edward Pleasure looked so uncomfortable.

"Ah, so this is your son then, eh?" Valasquez asked, zeroing in on Alex. "He has your nose."

"I was adopted," Alex told the man. Morey coughed awkwardly.

Valasquez blinked, looking thrown for a brief moment, before gathering himself just as quickly. "Adopted? How charitable of you, Mr. Pleasure. Any more acts like that and perhaps you'll put me out of business!" He laughed a full bellied that sounded rather genuine, and smiled at Edward, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

"It wasn't charity." Edward placed a hand on Alex's shoulder. "Alex has always been family. Now it's just official."

Alex grinned bashfully and chucked a foot against the ground. "Aww, shoot, you know just what to say." He looked around the room. "But are we, like, leaving soon? I'm pretty starved."

"Of course, of course!" Valasquez clapped his hands. "Don't let me keep you any longer! Mr. Pleasure, it was my pleasure to do business with you."

The two men shook hands as Alex laughed.

"Good one, dude."

Alex waved goodbye to the overwhelmingly relieved Morey and Ivanovič as the two men showed him and Edward out the front door. "Later guys! Tell Maria to call me!"

The look of shocked anger on Valasquez's face was the last thing he saw as the door slammed behind them.

They walked down the steps to the Pleasures' car and got in, buckling up. Alex waved out the rear window one last time for anyone watching, and Edward switched gears and pulled away.

There was silence for a moment as the two rode down down the driveway from the Valasquez mansion.

"Was that last bit really necessary?" Edward asked finally. "You know Valasquez is overly protective of his daughter."

Alex shrugged, fishing his phone out of his pocket and clicking it on. "Maria is 32, she can take care of herself. If her father treated her like she was her age, perhaps Maria wouldn't be sleeping with a Russian arms dealer."

Edward glanced away from the road. "Did you get everything set up?"

"I think so. "Alex tucked an earbud into his right ear and carefully tapped his thumb on his phone's screen. "If Maria really is meeting with Duvili, the bugs I placed will pick that up. Intel says she likes to have her- ah- _rendezvous_ in the living room. Kind of as a literal 'screw you' to her dad, I guess." He pulled up the live audio feed from the bugs and grinned to himself at the arguing he could hear between Morey and Ivanovič.

Edward thought about Sabina _doing things_ with one of her boyfriends in _their_ living room, and made a face. "That's pretty rough."

"Don't feel bad for Martin, Edward," Alex said. "He's supplying drugs to all the major gangs in California, and Byrne's guys believe that he's also personally pulled the trigger on upwards of 20 people. It serves him right that his daughter is going behind his back with one of his biggest allies."

"I suppose you're right," Edward sighed. "It's just, well, if you hadn't told me about his gang affiliations, I never would have guessed. Everyone and their mother has heard about _Pennies for Paradise_. To think that it's just a front for _drug running_." The man shook his head. "Makes me wish I was writing a _real_ exposé on his so called business…"

"Maybe you can," Alex said. "Once we make a solid connection between Maria Valasquez and Anton Duvili, Byrne should be able to get another warrant- this time for a full perimeter search of the Valasquez house. From the stories I've heard, that should wrap Martin up nicely in police tape. Then you can write about Martin's scummy hobbies to your heart's content."

Edward laughed. "An early Christmas present, I like it."

The teenager grinned back at the journalist. "Happy holidays Edward."

Edward reached across the cup holder and gave his adopted son a fistbump.

* * *

 **A/N: This is for Wolfern, for a little Christmas fic exchange thing. I had a lot of fun, and would love to do something like this again!**


End file.
